Must-Flee TV


In a setback to Work Wives everywhere, Ann Curry was replaced by a younger model this morning on the Today Show.  Curry was blamed for low ratings resulting from a “lack of chemistry” with Matt Lauer, a tightly-coiled man whose personality on the scale of entropy is absolute zero.

Arch-nemesis Tom Cruise split from his “wife” Katie Holmes in an effort to undercut any bump in ratings Matt Lauer might achieve with the announcement of this change. “You’re still glib, Matt,” said Cruise.  “And you know nothing about ratings.  It’s a pseudo-science.”

Curry will remain with NBC in a different capacity, secretly stock-piling incriminating information on those who engineered her ouster.  Her memoir, “I Got Your Peacock Right Here,” will become a best-seller and she will ultimately buy the station, cleaning house and canning Lauer in the process.

“No more Ms. NiceGuy,” Curry will say, riding off into the sunset.

Miss You, Dad


On Cheers, the older bartender, Coach, is standing behind the bar.  As he goes into his office, Sam says to Coach, “If anyone calls, Coach, I don’t want to be bothered,” to which Coach replies, “Who does?”

My father used to love Cheers.  He’d quote that line to me when I’d drop by and it became kind of a call and response code for “Glad to see you” or “I love you but can’t say it since I’m a research scientist and I don’t do emotions that often.”

Dad:  So Ruth, if anyone calls, I don’t want to be bothered.

Me:  Who does, Dad?

On the day that my Dad passed away in August, 1999, I was at work and my mother called to say she was worried.  Dad wasn’t responding when she spoke to him.  I rushed over to the house and as I walked in, I didn’t see anyone right away but I heard a strange noise, so I followed it into the kitchen.  There was a very plump bumblebee, sputtering and jerking forward suddenly as if it was new to this bee-body vehicle.  It made buzzing noises on and off and seemed to be flying in slow motion.  I sat down at the table.  The bee hovered a few feet away from me.  We just looked at each other.  Finally, I opened the screen on the window and the bee flew out.

Down the hall, my mother and the paramedics were talking, and they told me my dad was gone.  In my heart, I knew he wasn’t gone.  Just buzzing off to a new adventure.

God bless all the fathers on their special day.  The ones who are here and the ones who are away.